i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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