I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
