I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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