I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
