i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
