That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
