i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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