Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
