Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
