I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
