Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
BRING THE BAGELS
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He did a backflip because drugs
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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