so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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