I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
