I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
