I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
