i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
