this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
