i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
