you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
