Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
