Your tits are I can't wait for
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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