oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
babies were throwing up all over the place
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
