): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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