Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
