She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
