I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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