k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just want nice things and good sex
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
