so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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