Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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