I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
