White coat. Heels.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Operation Purity has been aborted
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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