Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
