Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
