And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
