how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
