I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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