oh god the rape fog is back!
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
