Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
zippers are such a cool invention
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
