Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
