beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
