please come you make the beer taste better
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
