Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
