I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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