I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
