Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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