I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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