I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
