his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
