I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
