Jerry, you need to find god
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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