my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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