Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
