Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
