I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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