How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
