I hate your face
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
