I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
