remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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