I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
