I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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