so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
