K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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