If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
