I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
