and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
